The Chicken Diaries – #2

Dear Diary,


Woke up in a weird place. This is not the big tin shed. The other chickenladies are a little confused as well. There’s a milk crate blocking us from leaving the coop put there by our simpleton human that we’ve recently acquired. He thinks we need to get used to our little home and that we’ll be using the lovely nesting boxes he’s built for us. I can tell you now that none of us are in the mood to lay eggs today. Moving house is far too stressful! Also we want food dammit. All he’s left us with is a big bucket of rainwater which, while delicious, is not something we’re interested in right now.



It’s about bloody time that lazy man arrived. I’ll be leaving a complaint at the front desk regarding this tardiness. The girls and I are squawking our disapproval about this lock-in and he’s just laughing. He’s just checked and there’s no eggs so the laugh’s on him, hah.

Our human moved the milk crate out of the way but the other chickenladies are super scared of everything. As for me, I’m outta here and heading to the buffet, that green stuff growing on the ground tastes amazing. It’s so different to the pellets we’ve existed on till yesterday plus it’s all you can eat.

The human has opened up the big side doors to the coop and shooing the other girls out. I have no idea why they’re taking so long. This is one of them dawdling at the door.


Now the human is staring incredulously at the massive pile of poop where we were sleeping in the corner. Humans are weird.



The human came down from the blue building where I think he sleeps and he’s brought some tubs of something called home made yoghurt , mixed with sunflower seeds and molasses. Dear sweet baby Jesus this tastes so fricken good. The girls are literally burying their heads in it then flicking it everywhere when they realise their heads are coated in the gooey delicious mixture. The human is laughing at how greedy we’re acting. I mean some of the girls are actually standing in the tubs to stop others from getting to it. It’s almost embarrassing. Also he’s now coated in the mixture from us flicking it everywhere. While the others fight over the remnants I’m sidling up to the human to suss him out. What’s his story? Where did he come from. What are his intentions with us and does he have more treats for me? He keeps reaching down to touch us but we’re far to quick for that. I keep teasing him by going up and rubbing against his legs then running away when he reaches down. The other ladychickens just keep well away. As for me, I’m going to follow him and find out more about this strange being who’s taken us under his non-feathery wing.

He’s spending an inordinate amount of time watching us do our thing while he does his building stuff. He however keeps shooing us away while he’s working.  If he doesn’t want us to to stick our beaks into what he’s doing, why does he keep doing interesting stuff?


The human has a lamp on his head and he’s walking around trying to find sleeping chickens. Once again we’ve all just plonked down wherever we were standing when it went dark and not a single on of us entertained the idea of heading to the nice big house.  He’s scooping us up and putting us in the nice straw filled coop. I like getting tucked in. We’re a little sleepy while he does this and make soft cooing noises which I think he likes. One of the girls managed to find a sleeping spot under the piles of timber in the run. The human isn’t enjoying reaching for her and as a result she’s started squawking so naturally now we’re all wide awake. Our chicken pile in the corner is providing him with a great deal of amusement.  Little does he know that we’re not merely climbing onto each other for the sake of it. There’s an intricate chicken pile-on system that’s instinctively ingrained in us, but to the untrained eye I guess it can look like a bunch of stupid chickens sitting on each others’ heads.


He still hasn’t given us names. I heard that they don’t do that when we’re destined for the dinner plate. I really hope that’s not the case. Are all those delicious treats to fatten us up? Anyways time to sleep, and sleep-poop.